


Omissions

by Snoozebutton



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: specucanon and introspection ho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5579539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoozebutton/pseuds/Snoozebutton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small collection of ruminations on Rey, from a variety of perspectives.  Part missing moments, part speculation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Be Afraid

Started as a missing scene and turned into a bit of character study – can be interpreted as Reylo but as much as I definitely see Kylo Ren developing a creepy Vader-esque obsession with Rey, I don't personally see them being a thing. I'm not here to kill anyone's vibe though so if that's your takeaway then peace be with you. In any case, be aware of non-consensual cuddling and possessive behavior ahead.

 

Kylo Ren is humming.

He doesn't know it yet. Were he wearing his helmet he might have noticed, the vocoder distorting the old, simple tune and jarring his ears. But here, in the private lounge of his shuttle, there is no reason to hide his face and so no reason to acknowledge his own absent baritone, nor the meandering notes of what very few now would recognize as an Alderaanian lullaby.  


Abruptly, though, his breath comes short and becomes aware of his own voice. The song chokes to a halt in his throat. He can feel the spots of color on his cheeks. His eyes are burning and he tells himself that it's from anger – anger at his own weakness. Anger at his mother, whose kind, raspy voice drifts unbidden from the past to carry the tune where he left off. Anger at the girl in his arms, for calling forth with such ease memories that no longer belong to him.  


Ren hasn't bothered the bind the girl. The suggestion to 'sleep' is one of the first mind tricks he ever mastered as a boy - perhaps not the flashiest of abilities but undeniably useful. One gloved hand engulfs the ball of her shoulder – the other is hooked behind her knee, holding her across his lap like a lanky child. Her hands rest between them, knuckles grazing his abdomen. Why he hasn't bothered fastening the girl into a seat or the medbay cot is another matter entirely, but few within the order have the authority to question him, and none of them are on this shuttle. Frankly, Kylo Ren is trying not to question it himself.  


He is just beginning to scowl at the thought when the girl stirs in his arms with a soft moan. The sudden absence of his voice must have disturbed her, and as he glances down her head lolls and tips back over his arm, throat bare. She's filthy. Grit streaks the creases of her neck, and her rough garments scatter sand across his lap. She'll be needing a wash, once he has what he needs. She came from Jakku – he doubts if she's ever had a proper shower. At least, one that she can remember. Assuming she is who he thinks she is.  


'Careful of her head, Ben,' his mother's voice murmurs from a lifetime ago. 'She can't hold it up herself yet.'  


'I won't hurt her,' he hisses to her distant shade, in unison with his petulant ten-year-old voice. 'I'd never hurt her. Why couldn't any of you see that?' So worried – so afraid. They'd all been so afraid that he'd be jealous of the baby, that he'd be angry at her for stealing the family's affections. Ren's mouth thins at the memory. He hitches the girl against his chest, adjusting her dark head to rest on his shoulder. He could lean his chin on her hair if he wanted to, but it smacks too much of comfort. For her or for himself - Snoke will know either way. He sees Ren's every weakness. Ren will not allow her to become one of them.  


The girl stirs once more, curling into him very slightly and going boneless with a sigh. Ren shifts unconsciously to accommodate her. The hand behind her knees drifts up to tuck a wayward curl behind her ear, to smooth the sweat-darkened hair at her temples. His mind turns, as it often does, to his grandfather. Is this how he felt, when fate saw fit to resurrect his son? This apprehension, this vague sense of guilt and loss and longing – this fear – will she even remember him? What if she does? What if she doesn't? What will he do if she can't be turned? Can these pitiful feelings have ever belonged to the last and greatest of the Sith Order?  


But no, Ren realizes. He is thinking not of Darth Vader but of Anakin Skywalker. Not of the Myth whose name is synonymous with Ruthless Power, but of the Man, consumed by grief and doubt. The man his uncle loved, and his mother never quite forgave. These feelings never belonged to Darth Vader, because Darth Vader died the moment the Force taunted him with Hope.  


Ren tightens his grip on the girl's shoulder. She will turn, he tells himself fiercely. She has yet to be lied to, as his uncle was. As he was. Once he has the map – once he's completed the mission – there will be no one to take her away from him. And they will never, either of them, be alone again.  
Snoke is not here. Snoke cannot see. Kylo Ren bows his head and presses a kiss to the girl's brow, just as he did the first time he held her, and whispers into her mind: '~I'm here now~Don't be afraid~you're safe now~safe with me~I won't let them hurt you~'  


And he won't. Hux will not have her. His interrogation droids will not touch her. Ren will get what he needs from the girl's mind and that will be an end to it. She has reason enough to fear him. Any more and he will lose all hope of gaining her trust – just as Darth Vader lost his children.  


'I will finish what you started,' he vows to his grandfather's memory; and then, with a secret, vicious thrill: 'Where you failed, I will succeed.'  


Kylo Ren leans back on the couch and closes his eyes, immersing himself in the cool tranquility of the Dark. The girl will not become a weakness. All weakness must be eradicated, and as he will not be parted from her again she will turn. There is no “Or.” It simply will Be. It is a fact of the universe, like gravity or light, a certainty of the Force made clear the moment his fool uncle first placed her in his arms: 'We belong together, you and I.' Children of heroes – children of legends – they have only ever had each other. She'll see that soon enough.


	2. This Much Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't know there was this much green in the whole Galaxy."

“I didn't know there was this much green in the whole Galaxy.”

And just like that, Han knows. He knows where he's seen this kid. The sum of a dozen familiar parts: her snub nose, the angle of her jaw, the toothy grin and sparkling hazel eyes that once belonged to a pretty, auburn-haired girl who loved his best friend. Jakku – _Jakku. _All this time? In terms of Galactic real-estate, Jakku ranks just below Tattooine at the very bottom. Which, of course, would be the point. Who would ever think to look on Jakku?__

'Should've double-checked the Western Reaches,' he thinks again, with dark, numb humor. He really, really does hate being right all the time.

Han is trying not to stare but the more he looks he sneaks the more he sees. He knew there was something downright kriffing uncanny about the cant of her eyebrows, and now he recalls the Old Republic senate holos that Leia used to pore over late at night, after she thought he'd gone to bed. Han flicked through them once when she was away, just to see. Leia had her mother's coloring and her proud, lofty air, but Han remembers thinking, privately, that the Chommell senator's earnest voice calling for peace and sanity was more Luke than Leia. The implications there for his feisty, occasionally ruthless wife do not bear further scrutiny. And yet with that channel of thought open he now cannot help but be transported right back to the Clone Wars, to childhood fights over who would be Grievous, and who would be the Hero With No Fear. Perhaps there's something there in the quirk of her mouth, or the shape of her chin? Or is he imagining things? He never saw it in Ben either, until it was too late.

The Falcon comes to rest with a smooth magnetic bump in one of the cleared lots around Maz's old castle, and honestly Chewie couldn't have synced the landing better. There's latent talent there – just another point in the kid's favor. She's already squirming out of the copilot's seat to bolt for the ramp. Han decides to give her a moment. If he's being honest, he has doubts about this map. Not even Leia was as broken by the loss of their son as Luke was. But they only lost their son, and knew, at least, that he was still alive, somewhere out amongst the stars. In a selfish way, they can be grateful for that. But Luke lost everything, all he'd worked for, all he'd inherited. And perhaps he might have borne it, but for Kylo Ren's final betrayal, only now cast in its entirety into ugly, hating light. 

Han doesn't blame Luke for what happened, but he can't blame him for running away either. 

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Han makes for the weapons' cache (still there – did Plott even _look _for his secret compartments?).__

__“Solo.”_ _

__Ah. The kid. If he's a criminal, he's an incompetent one. No Sabbacc face whatsoever – can't even hide a crush on a girl, let alone a lie. 'With the Resistance' his firm left asscheek. “Did you just call me Solo?”__

____“Sorry,” says the kid. “Han. Mr. Solo. You should know: I'm a Big Deal in the Resistance. And that puts a real target on my back.”_ _ _ _

____Hoo boy. Han can't wait to hear this one's story. His credits're on indentured runaway of some kind. No way is this babyface more than a few weeks into a life on the run, if that. All in all though, he seems like an alright kid – just scared. Bit like Han himself at that age – he's old enough now to admit it – although maybe not quite so good at hiding it. More to the point he's probably not a spy, and he does genuinely seem to like the girl. And Han needs all the help he can get._ _ _ _

____“Listen, Big Deal,” he says, talking over the kid. “You've got another problem: women always figure out the truth.” Han shoves a blaster rifle into his hands. “Always.”_ _ _ _

____And so they do. Han's going to have to tell the girl eventually, but where to even start? Another topic he'll have to broach with Maz. Granted, Maz is just going to tell him to talk to Leia. But either way, they need a good moment. Until that moment comes, all he can do is keep the kid close._ _ _ _

____He finds her outside the ship, standing in the dappled shade with her face tipped back in the warmth of a gentler sun. Luke did something similar when they first landed on Yavin IV – he'd forgotten that. Shocked and exhausted as the poor kid was, he'd stepped out into the balmy heat and stood, stunned, in the middle of the landing pad until Leia put a hand on his arm and guided him indoors. Luke... Han finds himself hoping to every god he knows or knows of that that damn map leads somewhere. Squaring his shoulders, he comes up behind the girl. She spares him a sparkling glance before returning her gaze to the landscape. Han hates being the one to kill the moment, but pulls the pistol from his belt all the same._ _ _ _

____“You might need this,” he says, not looking at her._ _ _ _

____The girl gives him a look that's at once dubious and cocky. “I think I can handle myself,” she says, and any doubts Han might have fade just a little more._ _ _ _

____“I know you can,” he says, “that's why I'm giving it to you.”_ _ _ _

____With a barely restrained grin, the kid takes the blaster pistol from him and points it, one eye closed, out across the lake, posing like a gunslinger in an outdated Rim-vid. Han tries very, very hard not to sigh aloud._ _ _ _

____“Do you know how to use that thing?” he says wearily._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” says the kid. “You pull the trigger.”_ _ _ _

____Great, thinks Han. Good. Excellent. He reaches out to push her hand down. “Little more to it than that,” he mutters. “You've got a lot to learn.” That's the diplomatic way of putting it, he figures – hell, maybe Leia rubbed off on him more than even he likes to admit. Still, the kid at least isn't as naive as Luke was when they met. Good head on her shoulders – better than the boy at least. Put 'em together they almost equalled one whole useful person. He's worked with less. Which, actually, gives him an idea..._ _ _ _

____First thing first, though – he needs confirmation. Not that it matters much, because at some point in the past half hour or so he apparently decided he's keeping her either way, poor kid – the boy too, maybe, once he gets a proper story out of him, or at least a better lie. Why not, right? He's Han Solo. Picking up strays is just what he does – the smuggling thing is a side job at this point. But even still, he needs to know – he needs to know if the Galaxy really is that small, and that insane, and that kriffing sadistic._ _ _ _

____“You got a name?” he says, perhaps a little too casually._ _ _ _

____“Rey,” says the girl._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“ _Rey,” says Han, keeping his voice low _. “Good name.” Luke, swaying in place, lets the momentum carry him around in a circle to face Han. The room is lit only from the window that encompasses most of the far wall, and for a moment Luke is outlined in the gridwork of whizzing stars that is Coruscant's midnight rush. But even in the dim lighting, Han can see his best friend's tired grin._ _ _ _ __

_____“Turns out 'Luke' means 'Light' in Old Naboo,” Luke murmurs, still swaying from side to side. “Kei-wan thought it'd be nice to run with the theme, so, Rey is Stujoni for 'Sun.'” He shrugs, almost sheepish._ _ _ _ _

_____Han, crossing the room, smiles down at the cocoon of blankets cradled in his brother-in-law's arms. A wrinkled, frowny little face is just visible in the glancing light of traffic, fast asleep in the crook of Luke's elbow. One impossibly tiny hand pokes out of a fold in the blanket and Han can't quite help but reach out with one finger and let those perfect digits curl around it._ _ _ _ _

_____“You forget how damn small they are at first,” he whispers. Luke chuckles softly._ _ _ _ _

_____“Feeling nostalgic?” he says._ _ _ _ _

_____“Force no,” mutters Han. “I hope you got a good nap in before they sent you home, Junior, cuz that's the last sleep you'll be getting for the next couple'a years.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Aww, don't listen to Uncle Han, Sweetie,” Luke coos playfully. “He's just sayin' that to trick me into letting him babysit.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Hey, it's Leia you gotta watch out for,” says Han. “Just wait till she has hair – it'll be in more braids than you can undo.”_ _ _ _ _

_____The two men laugh quietly, recalling days on the run in slapdash facilities, inventing names for their friend's elaborate updos when things got slow._ _ _ _ _

_____(“Princess! Sporting the Downward-Facing Dewback this morning, I see.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Luke. Smack him for me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Wha- OW! Hey, that one was his idea!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“And then yourself.”)_ _ _ _ _

_____Baby Rey stirs and utters a cranky mumble at the slight jostling, and Luke quickly resumes his steady swaying. The baby settles, and the two old friends exchange the tender look of new fathers in a quiet moment, standing in silent awe of their young._ _ _ _ _

_____“I'm glad she has this,” murmurs Luke after a long moment. He gazes down at his daughter with an expression that is at once utterly devoted and entirely at peace, as though this single-minded adoration is the natural default for his gentle features. Han wonders if he looked the same the first time he held Ben, if that was just another of the changes that day that made him and Leia who they were always meant to be._ _ _ _ _

_____“She'll always have us,” he assures his friend. “All of us.” Luke smiles sadly, not looking away from his child's face, and Han doesn't need the Force to sense that his friend is thinking of his own family – the parents he never knew, the relatives who raised him, the sister he only found on the very edge of manhood._ _ _ _ _

_____“Kei and I are thinking of moving off-planet,” says Luke, his voice soft. Han blinks, surprised. Luke has been exploring the old Jedi Temple, ferreting out its relics, hoping to restore it for his small band of students._ _ _ _ _

_____“Where to?” he says, recovering himself with an attempt at a smile. “Not Tattooine?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Hell no,” says Luke, with a touch more feeling than strictly needed. He glances up at Han, expression softening to something apologetic. “We were thinking – maybe Stewjon, or Naboo. There's old temples on Yavin IV and Takonda we could check out for the Academy. Just...” Luke shakes his head slightly. “I just want her to grow up somewhere green, is all. Somewhere safe.” A slight frown forms between his eyebrows. “Not like me. I don't want her to be like me, Han.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Han wishes he had a drink to toast that thought. He didn't even know he had a fear of inadequacy until his son started exhibiting all the hallmarks of the same issues. Distantly, it occurs to him that Ben might benefit from some time away from Coruscant as well. Hell, if it were up to Han they'd all move, leave the mess of building a new Galaxy behind and retire somewhere peaceful as a family. That's probably why it's not up to him._ _ _ _ _

_____But he says none of this. Instead, he places a hand on his best friend's shoulder and gives it a squeeze._ _ _ _ _

_____“You're dead on your feet, Kid,” he says. “How's about I take over here? You go get some shuteye.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Luke smiles, nods, yawns hugely and gingerly maneuvers the infant into Han's practiced arms. He bends to kiss his newborn gently between the eyes and stumbles off to bed. Han grins, inexplicably giddy to be alone with his baby niece, and takes up Luke's slow rocking._ _ _ _ _

_____“Don't you worry, Kiddo,” he whispers. “Your old dad's gonna be just fine. He's got me and Mom and Auntie Lei lookin' out for him, and you've got all of us and cousin Ben lookin' out for you. So you just focus on growing up into someone amazing, and we'll be behind you. Every step'a the way.” ____ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______“Rey,” says Han. It's a name that makes you smile when you say it, even through guilt and pain and failure. Well. No time like the present to keep an old promise. He hooks his thumbs in his belt. “Listen Rey...”_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) In my personal headcanon, Luke married a member of the Kenobi clan after tracking them down to pay his respects after the war. Obi-wan Kenobi is supposedly from the planet Stewjon, named after Jon Stewart as a joke, hence the “Stujoni” language. 
> 
> (2) “Rim-vids” aren't an actual thing in the SW universe – I made them up. They're basically low-budget Space Westerns that I imagine enjoyed a heyday sometime prior to the Clone Wars, and despite being almost offensively inaccurate still enjoy a certain popularity among Rim-worlders because they're the only fucking holovids that anyone ever makes about them. If there's any media on Jakku at all, it's probably like 99% Rim-vids. Rey can quote every line from “Two Eopies for Sister Sere” by heart.


End file.
